Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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