Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
