Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
