you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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