The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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