Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
