If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
