Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
