apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
