I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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