so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
