My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
