I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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