Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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