last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
