Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
