Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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