Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
too bad you live with your parents still
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
