plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
