I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
