I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
vagina is talking i cant
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
