i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize