You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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