I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
