Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
