WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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