His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
