y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
