K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
