DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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