i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
