We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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