Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Im part way to drunk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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