for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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