OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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