Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize