My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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