i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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