mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
