i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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