The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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