Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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