he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
