her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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