Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
