Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
