If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
