I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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