my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
