We're facebook friends in real life
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
