Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
