I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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