Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
