Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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