My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize