Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
