And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize