I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
