just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
