put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't put those talents on a resume
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
