I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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