Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
