Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
