Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
