Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
