dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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