I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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